The First Reply

In a development neighbors describe as “suspicious” and competitors call “frankly unfair,” a local business owner slept an entire night while every inquiry to the business received a prompt, accurate, personable reply.

Records show a price question arriving at 23:47 and receiving an answer — with actual prices — in under five seconds. A second inquiry, regarding weekend availability, was answered, qualified, and ready for booking before the kettle had boiled elsewhere in the city.

The assistant responsible, known as Jambo, declined to take credit. “I only say what the owner allows me to say,” it stated. “Their prices, their services, their tone of voice. When something needs the owner, I hand it straight over. I just make sure nobody says hello into a void.”

Industry sources confirm the broader pattern is grim: the average business takes 47 hours to answer a new lead, while 78% of buyers simply go with whoever responds first. Asked to comment, the void declined — which sources note is precisely the problem.

The owner, reached at a reasonable hour and in noticeably good spirits, confirmed setup had taken “about ten minutes, honestly” and that no payment card was requested. The first warm bookings were reportedly waiting by breakfast.

At press time, the assistant was still answering. It is, sources confirm, always still answering.